Mirror Mirror

April 22, 2013

Dear Diary,

                Who is the fairest of them all? Not me. As cliché as it may sound; I think we've all been there with ourselves at some point in time; some people are still there as adults. We don’t accept or love all of ourselves enough and/or the proper way. We only like what has gotten other people’s attention; like our eyes, lips, body and asses just to name a few. We all have that feeling as a human being trying to find what makes us well, us. Insecurity and/or low self-esteem seems to be a thing that looked down upon; especially in the urban community. How can one insecure man/woman telling another insecure man/woman how to build their low self-esteem; it’s a living contradiction to us as imperfect, living organisms. I don’t believe in being perfect or perfection; too many people are getting familiar with that word and use it so casually & loosely as if it has a valid meaning to a human being. Yes, it is an actual word but we give most words known to human so much power that it hurts our feelings and breaks down our self-esteem. Well, there isn’t a rule book titled ‘How to Build Your Self-Esteem’ available at every bookstore outlet and e-book seller. As that old saying goes ‘…everything starts at home’ and I am a strong believer of that. The common thing among society (especially urban societies) is that we set examples in our homes for our children to see. If a young child sees his father abusing his mother 9 times out of ten he will have it unconsciously embedded is his mind to lead by example; and it won’t stop until one child says to himself ‘that’s not who I am. That’s not who I want to be.’ If we live in a broken or unhealthy environment then we will be broken people; until we take the initiative to fix ourselves; in most situations we are stuck fixing ourselves. We all have to heal no matter how small or big the gash is.

                When I was a kid I went through that heavily. I had so many people in my ear from family to friends at such a young age telling me that I should/shouldn’t do this or that and I should be like this and that. For someone who is in the process of discovering who they are as a person; having those kinds of people in your ear on a daily basis can be very stressful. It was bad enough that I was getting bullied at school and in the streets; now I got to deal with criticism at home. By golly gosh! Geez! But over time I learned to love myself and I can’t fit nobody’s expectations but my own. I tell myself everyday ‘I wake up to myself and go to sleep with myself’ basically saying that the only opinions that should matter is my own when it comes to myself; I’m my own worst enemy; and I’ll be damned if I let the enemy get the best of me. From then on out my confidence build to a 99% so, when I look in the mirror now I ask myself ‘who is the fairest of them all?’ and I always answer me; now this 1% I’m working on is this minor social anxiety. Lol!

Gender (nor sexual orientation) isn’t even a primary factor when it comes to the way that we think of ourselves; even the most manliest (or flamboyant) man has the biggest insecurity about himself; most men are too caught up in their pride to admit it; that they’re human and isn't secure with themselves. Even the most ‘confident’ woman is the most broken woman; women have pride in them too; sometimes too much pride at times that it comes off as unruly, ugly and unattractive to others. Lol! It just goes to show you that we all are work in progress and that we all ask ourselves that one question…

“Mirror, mirror one the wall. Who is the fairest of them all?”