Tuesday, March 26, 2013


High school for me was a time that i took to discover who i am and what i stand for. Heal some wounds and live to tell about it. Some people don't find things out until they're older. It kind of makes me glad that i found that out early on. Sometimes i feel like I’ve grown up too quick. I think we all feel that way when we're adults; too old to have fun and too young to be grown.

Before graduation and prom i was just so worried about graduating. I was just so tired mentally with all the stress. There wasn't a day where i wasn't stressed or driving home with an headache. The people around me weren't who I thought they were; all my friends became distant shadows. Even the people who I've helped turned their back on me. That's where my trust issues stem from.

Towards the end of high school I started to realize a lot of things. For example; I had a gym class and it was this boy named Thomas McGee. At the time I didn't know his name at the time; I just seen his face. One day during gym class me and Sandy was working out and we walked passed him and he said something to me that I didn't hear but Sandy did.

Sandy said "Did you hear what he said?"
I said "No I didn't hear him say anything. What did he say?"
She said "He said 'You're a bitch'"

I spoke in such shock because I don't know him and I haven't spoken to him. I was so confused because I couldn't understand the reason why he would say that. So I said to Sandy "Well, I’ll listen a little closely next time we walk pass him."

So we proceed to walk around the gym. When we walked passed him I heard him say it.
I said to myself "Don't get mad Jae. Graduation day is near. You'll be out of this hell hole in a couple of weeks."
So the class was over and I went to the locker room. I stayed in my gym clothes because gym class was my last class. Everybody was in line waiting for the bell to ring. I walked pass him and he said
"You little bitch!"
and I said tense tone "You need to check your dick before you start to talk about anybody being a bitch!"
He seemed so confused and said "I need to whip out my dick?!"
I was frustrated so I began to repeat what I said then I stopped myself and I said "I'm not going to repeat myself. I'm not a tape recorder where you can just rewind me. I'm done!"
I walked of agitated and annoyed because I was so tired of people talking to be recklessly. I had a lot of built up anger towards people. I was bullied for years and for a split second I asked myself
"Why does this keep happening to me? I'm so tired."
At the time I was nineteen years old. I didn't have time to cry because I was so above and beyond angry.

The bell rang and I proceeded to call my friend Ashley. I was telling her what's going on until he walked pass me and called me out my name for the third time. A split second after that I just blacked out. I didn't fight him but I did yell at the top of my lungs and just let my anger take over. I was screaming all through the hallways, slamming my locker until I got outside to smell the city air then I calmed down. Once I got into the car with my mom she asked "Are you okay?"
I quickly said "I'm fine." I’m sure that my mommy could still sense the annoyance and the frustration off of me. It was an odor to it.
The next day of school I walked in and the security guards knows me because I don't get into trouble. I've never been suspended in my life. The female security guard pulled me aside after going through the metal detector and said "I need to talk to you."
In a concerned tone I said "Why? What did I do?!" she said "Don't worry; we just need to talk."
So she took me to her office and proceeded to ask me "What happened yesterday? I mean whit you and Thomas."
I asked her "Who is Thomas?" confused as ever.
She said "The boy you gotten into the argument with after school."
I said "Oh! His name is Thomas?! I never knew his name until now because I never talked to him. I just know him by his face."
The security guard goes to tell me "Well, his mother called me yesterday saying that you sexually harassed him."
When she said that my eyes gotten bigger than golf balls in shock. She proceeds to say "His mother said that you told him that he needed to whip out his dick."
I stopped her and said "No! That's NOT what I said."
She asks "Well, what did you say?"
I said "I said that he needs to CHECK HIS DICK before he starts to talk about somebody being a bitch."
so I proceed to tell her the entire story and she concluded by saying "So basically you confronted him."
I said in a annoyed tone "Yes!" so I went on to speak my mind because I was tired of being bullied. A person saying that someone sexually harassed him or her is an serious offense; people get sued for that. I was nineteen years old. I was legal at that point. I wasn't about to get sued and possibly go to jail because of someone lying on me and bullying me.
I went on to say to the security guard "I've been in this school for 4 years straight; haven't gotten into it with anybody until now. Do you find it kind of odd that people are bullying me?" I wanted her to understand that I am the victim and I’m tired of it.
After that day I looked down on him as a person because he hit below the belt when it was unnecessary.
After nineteen years of being bullied at the time. I got tired; I’ve reached my breaking point. It makes me want to keep my distance from people as much as I love to socialize. If Thomas said that I sexually harassed him then what will be the next extreme, Rape?! Now I have to watch out for people who plan to discredit my character; it's difficult. It’s bad enough I had to deal with bullying on the streets. I got lucky that time; I could have been dead in broad daylight. Mind you; this is only one of many stories. I'm twenty four now; I can only expect the worst. It's a depressing thing when you have no sunlight coming through after your dark storms; just a gloomy fog.

Bullying is not just confined to schools and children and teens. It has spread-ed to colleges, adults and among social media. It saddens me to see countless suicides among teens. I almost committed suicide but i had a friend at the time who snapped me of out it. In a sense i'm starting to believe that bullying is a mental disease that society refuses to have a cure to. We will learn; soon i hope.


  1. Johnathan,

    Thank you for sharing such a deep and emotional story. Bullying is a huge problem, and it only seems that just recently it has been brought into the light. I'm glad that you stood up for yourself, just always be cautious in how you do so.

    If it ever becomes a problem, there are many different outlets, groups, and individuals you can reach out to for help and support... you are not alone!

    Again, thank you for sharing! I hope you continue to write in your blog. You never know who's life you could impact, even if they don't post a comment, they could still read it and benefit even knowing that someone else has shared the same experiences.

    1. Thank you Jake! I greatly appreciate that advice. I believe that the U.S is so conservative that the epidemic of bullying was an ignored topic among society. I just feel bad that it has taken 50+ years to spark a discussion about it. You have a lot of suicide hot lines and group therapist now to help adults who have been scared from it and children & teens who are victims of it. It's a lot being done but there's still a long way to go. American society is still conservative about a lot of things like abortion and such. It's a long road for victims.